Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
