all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
