Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
