i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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