We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
