I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize