i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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