she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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