I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
