Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
try to milk me bitch
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
