3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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