Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
