My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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