anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Success! We fucked roommates!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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