Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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