i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
