I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
