The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
