Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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