there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
