I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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