I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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