remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
