I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
