So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
