I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
In America we eat man semen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
