god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
