i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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