it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
barbara walters just said penis...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
