you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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