told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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