I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
