So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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