I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
