i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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