**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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