still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
