discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
