I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
