she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You can't motorboat a personality
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
