I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize