Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize