I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
