I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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