Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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