i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So much Jack, so little girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
