My hand turned me down
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
