I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
