tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My Sexting was not on an AP level
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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