I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
