I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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