Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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