my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
