jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
