it wasn't lemon gatorade
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
