I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They took my balls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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