He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
