imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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