You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
