I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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